The mere idea of having just one dream or goal has lost its meaning for me. I know it can sound terribly depressing and believe me – as someone who spent most of her school and college life focused on one single career path – I was going through a living hell when I realised that I didn’t have the same “dream” anymore, but now, I’m sort of okay with it. I have come to terms with the fact that it is okay to shift one’s focus from one thing to another, without worrying about the society as well as the pressure that we tend to impose on ourselves.
As a kid, I used to believe that I had until the end of high school to decide on a career path. I am 23 now, and if I could go back in time and talk to my younger self; I would ask her to not be so hard on herself, because she has her whole life to figure it out. Regardless of how easy and aesthetically pleasing influencers make navigating your life look on Instagram, a lot of people my age are in the same boat. They have changed career paths, they have developed new interests and found new opportunities. And that’s because, we as human beings are constantly evolving. I am not the same person that I was in my teens and it’s okay for me to have found new interests.
Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves?
“What is your goal in life? What is your dream? What do you want to become when you grow up?”
At an age when we are exploring the world, our interests, likes and dislikes; words like goals, career, future, dream are often thrown into conversations by our parents, teachers, relatives and friends. This often induces a sense of external pressure and limits one’s ability to explore various opportunities before they enter the real world. At times, it is coupled with the pressure of proving oneself. Not just to others, but even to the self.
A lot of people in their 20s believe that they need to prove themselves. Prove their worth by means of achievements and successes. The struggle is real. And so is the shame that comes with not having it all figured out by a certain age. One of my favourite dialogues that can explain this feeling is in the film Frances Ha(2012), that follows a 27-year-old dancer living in New York and her struggles in life. She says,
“I’m so embarrassed. I’m not a real person yet.”
My personal experience
I was in high school when I decided on a career path, but after completing my graduation, working in the field, and even moving to a new city for work, I realised that my interests had changed. It was not an overnight realisation. I spent a lot of time and effort towards achieving this goal before I came to the conclusion that it wasn’t for me. My priorities and wishes in life had changed over the years and I had outgrown my teenage dream. I was not the same twelve-year-old girl anymore who had only one goal in life; I was a twenty-two-year old adult who did not feel the need to have just one dream in order to feel complete anymore. The realisation came with a bitter aftertaste. I felt lost. I was jobless and unsure about what to do in life. The work I had put in for this dream I had outgrown seemed futile.
I spent months depressed and unsure of what to do next. Thankfully, my mom was there to help me look on the bright side of things. Graduation, internships and work opportunities had not only given me more exposure, but they had also allowed me to make a clear decision.
Looking at things from a different perspective:
I recently watched an interview of Ratna Pathak Shah – one of the great actresses of the Indian theatre and film industry – where she talked about reading a book written and illustrated by a Gond painter, that expressed views on Arjuna, one of the five Pandavas in the Hindu epic The Mahabharata and his razor sharp focus and concentration, which made him one of the best archers of his time. The writer says that people usually lay importance on Arjuna’s focus as a means to remind themselves to have one goal, and to strive for it with everything, but what they often forget is that in doing so, they miss out on everything else around them just like Arjuna—who was so focused on his target that he didn’t pay attention to the beautiful forest around him.
On hearing this, I was blown away. I, who was so focused throughout school and college on her single most important goal, was now looking at the garden around her—a garden that seemed scary, but beautiful.
I know that not everyone shares the same experience. Some people probably have things figured out and are focused on the target, like Arjuna, while others are out there, unsure of their next step. If you are in the latter category, take whatever opportunities that come your way and run along with them, because exploration allows you to make decisions. Maybe, you will get lost along the way, but since you have no end goal or destination in mind, it really doesn’t matter. This way, you can challenge yourself, unlock potential you weren’t even aware of, put yourself in new and exciting situations that spark your interest and perhaps end up in a happy place.
This is how I freed myself from all the unnecessary pressure of having things figured out at a certain age. Instead of having one big ultimate goal or dream, I now have multiple small dreams that align with the person I am right now. These might, and probably will change in the future as I continue to grow and evolve, but as the Greek philosopher Heraclitus once observed, change is the only constant. And on that note, I want to conclude this rambling by saying that it’s okay to feel lost and not know where you are headed; not having a goal can be pretty great!
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